A Dysfunctional Family
/1 Samuel 13
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Amnon— He is a child of the king. But is vexed to the point of sickness. There is one spot in the meaning of one of the words in the story that describes…he was singular in focus. This “love” the word can mean immorality, had gotten him so bad that it became clear to everyone around him that he was vexed. When you are overwhelmed by demonic spirits, it shows. It shows in your countenance. It shows in your language. Like a diagnostician, one, who is practiced in discernment can begin to receive the clues of countenance and conversation and determine the condition of the heart.
When sin grips your heart, you become compelled by the thing. Whether it’s a person, a drug, a job, a child, a house, a car, a business… it doesn’t matter what it is, once it has you, it becomes bigger than God. He wasn’t supposed to have her. The written word said it:
Leviticus 18:9 You shall not uncover the nakedness of your sister, your father's daughter or your mother's daughter, whether brought up in the family or in another home.
This is where God’s people go wrong. They are the only ones with the hope of His word; yet, armed with His word, they still don’t fear Him and treat His instruction as though it were a recommendation and not the word of God!
Tamar- She is a child of the king. She is pure. Her heart is right. I see her character as a young, sweet, innocent girl who wants to please her Father and serve her brother in his need. Typologically. She is an awesome sister in Christ, or she could be one of our own daughters. She has so much promise. Raised in the house of the king, access to all of its privileges. She proudly wears the virgin’s coat. It reminds me of a garment the garment of righteousness. You know who hates this varied colored coat? Satan hates this coat, because it represents godliness. He wants this coat torn and stained, just as he wanted Joseph’s coat torn and bloodied because he has a plan of destruction and sadly for her and Joseph, Satan uses their own brothers to do the harm. How sad it is when, we God’s people cause harm, instead of help, to our brothers and sisters in Christ.
A deceptive trap is being set for her. She doesn’t know it but she’s walking into a trap of Satan, and once the trap is sprung, she will not be the same. It doesn’t mean she can’t be restored, but she will not be the same. Depending on her response to this scenario, she can be made whole and used to serve or she will be destroyed and perpetually live under the cloud of the condemnation and guilt of the horrible sin that has ravaged her life.
Will she lie in her room in the palace from here on out and ask the servants for a daily ration of wine. Will she ever be married, or instead, will other brothers or cousins prey upon her brokenness, will she repeatedly find herself, because of the guilt and shame and torment and the wine a target for Satan to have his way in her life? This is not God’s plan. Rise up Tamar! Rise up and allow God to heal you sister. Allow God to mend that garment and cleanse those ashes off your head!
Jonadab— the Bible says that he was subtile, another translation says crafty. It seems like I’ve heard those adjectives used for a Bible personality before. Oh, yeah, that’s how the Bible describes the serpent. Jonadab orchestrates the sinful trap behind the scenes. He helps Amnon. From a spiritual perspective, he uses Amnon as a pawn to release torment into a believer’s life.
What kind of dysfunctional family is this? I would hope that there wouldn’t be this type of drama within a church, but don’t you imagine that through gossip, slander and the lusts of the flesh that wrong can by done by one believer towards another believer?
Absalom- He is rightly angry. He loves his sister, but boy did he handle this wrong. He did not embrace forgiveness. He did not call out for help from God. He methodically planned out his own retribution.
Deuteronomy 32:35
‘Vengeance is Mine, and retribution, in due time their foot will slip; for the day of their calamity is near, and the impending things are hastening upon them.’
But Absalom didn’t live according to God’s word in this instance. He said in his heart, “Vengeance is Absalom’s and retribution belongs to me!” Anger, deception and unforgivness led to murder. I wonder how long it takes for unforgivness to perform murder in the heart of a New Testament Christian. This is my thought on this: Someone does me wrong. I’m supposed to forgive them:
Matthew 5:44
But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you;
And Peter says, “how many times Lord seven?” Matthew 18:22
Jesus saith unto him, I say not unto thee, Until seven times: but, Until seventy times seven.
I’m supposed to forgive, and I say I forgave, but when I see them, there is ought in my heart. Deep inside I’m full of the bitterness of Cain. The thought of them being hurt flits through my mind and instead of praying protection over them my soul smiles. No one sees it. No one hears it. No one but the Lord. I wonder how long it takes for that spirit of Cain to enter?
King David— like a pastor, he was supposed to have discernment. He is the one called by God to manage the kingdom. God had trained him for his job in the fields with the sheep. Why didn’t he see a symptom when Amnon asked specifically for Tamar to feed him by putting the food in his mouth with her hand? Why did he not have any discernment in that moment? Why did he not discern when Absalom asked that everyone would come to the sheep shearing and then when David said it wasn’t feasible financially, Absalom pleads that only Amnon would come— why didn’t David discern a problem at that moment?
Was it because it was too hard to believe that the children of God in the kingdom, even in the church could have such mischief in the hearts? He was supposed to be able to see the big picture. Did he have too much on his plate? Was he too distracted to be able to see that the music ministry needed prayer? That certain people in the church were struggling with blatant sins, or was he so unaware that that he was unable to imagine that people that loved God could have hidden things in their hearts and be so deceived themselves that they could not even see the damage that they were doing to the church, to their brothers and sisters and to the kingdom of God?
Galatians 5:4
Justified
There is more to the cross than just justification. But that is what Tamar needed. She needed a revelation of justification. Most women that are victimized are lied to by Satan and told that in some way they’re guilty. And honestly, it’s possible that many times sinful choices put a person in this position of compromise. Let’s be clear what the preacher is saying. It’s never okay for a woman to be treated this way. Furthermore, I am not speaking to a world of women’s activists who do not understand the concept of sin. I’m talking to Christian’s and I’m saying that many times, not always, but many times, sinful choices, lead to compromising situations that result in tragedy.
Tamar needed the freedom from guilt side of the cross—sin had ravaged her life and she needed that burden lifted and that’s what the truth of justification teaches. God no longer holds your failures over your head somebody else may Brennan, Jeremy, Matt, Shane, Wade, Michelle, but God does not, it’s just as if you never sinned!
Let’s just take the story at face value and when we do, we can certainly see where she is the victim. As a literal person, she was done so wrong, as a type of believer, she represents those who have been imprisoned by sin and once sin is done with them, they’re left full of guilt, shame and hopelessness. These people need so badly to understand the the justifying truth of the word of God. The truth that says, “No! You’re not guilty, because Jesus bore your guilt. In God’s eyes, you’re free from sin. You’re forgiven, the stain is removed, you can stop with the ashes, you no longer have to carry the burden of guilt, the feeling of worthlessness. You can, in Christ, rise up, trust God, and believe Him for healing and restoration and hope for new life.
Galatians 5:11
But there is more to the cross than just justification. You will not be able to experience the feeling of freedom from guilt and shame and heartache and pain from the past, if you do not let the cross have it’s first work, and what is it’s first work you ask? It’s first work is death to self, death to the past. The old man must die in order for the new man to resurrect to newness of life.
But I didn’t do anything, my brother raped me. I was wronged, I was mistreated, I want to wear my tattered and stained robe.
If you want to stay in misery and bondage then you can hold onto every hurt that has ever been committed against you. Every lie spoken, every dollar stolen or not repaid, every slander gossiped, every hurtful word, but if you do, you will not be being faithful to your Lord. Instead, you will be selfishly clinging to your sad little world because that is what you have become, you like the attention, you like the people feeling sorry for you, and until you can allow the death side of the cross to have it’s way, you will not be able to allow the justification side where the removal of the burden of the guilt and the shame and the sorrow and the heartache becomes reality.
We don’t really know what she did to solace her pain. They didn’t have psyche drugs or benzos like we do now, but I wonder, what she looked like in 5 years, 10 years, 15 years.... If she remained in this state of sorrow. I wonder if she had the servant bring her more wine than usual, or maybe even strong drink. I wonder if maybe in her shame, she became vulnerable to more attacks, or if in her possible state of turning to the wine, she repeatedly put her self in vulnerable situations, that led to other brothers doing the same to her because now that she sees herself this way, I mean this is how she sees herself, worthless, dejected, full of grief and
Isaiah 53:5 The chastisement of our peace was upon Him. With His stripes we are healed. Verse 4 Surely he has borne our griefs and carried our sorrows. He was oppressed and He was afflicted. You can release the burden of the power of the offense that clings to you. You can be free from the sorcery through sin that Satan holds sway over you. Jesus said, “Father forgive them for they know not what they do!” Tamar or whatever your name might be. You don’t have to keep living this way. You can rise up and be healed.
Galatians 5:12
Paul’s point is that these false teachers were teaching the church in Galatia to add Circumcision to their faith for right standing with God. When a person adds anything to their faith in the work of the Christ, they are adding some form of self work for righteousness, in doing this, they hinder the work of God in their lives.
Can we do something weird with our faith in the cross like this? Do you think it could be possible that somehow, upon finding a great revelation in the word of God that we, who have believed in truth have learned a truth that so many in the church have not yet found, and then suddenly from this mindset, started to put faith in our own faith in the message of the cross, and in so doing have done the very thing that many of the word of faith teachers did when they went from faith in the word, to faith in their confession of the word? Or faith in their faith? Before you answer too quickly, let us ask ourselves why then, why do we still struggle with the same things over and over again when it’s very plain in the word that we are free in Christ? That the old has died and that the new man has been resurrected!
Well, something is wrong when we find ourselves as believers that have revelation of the finished work of Jesus and we find ourselves floundering in sin. It goes the same for healing. Did He heal us in the atonement or not? Did He heal our emotional torment at the cross or not? Did He give access to grace that heals our broken heart or not? Did He only die for our righteousness or sanctification? Or did He die that we could be made whole, healed in every area of our lives? Healed and filled in the name of Jesus!!
Galatians 5:20
enmity | ˈenmədē |noun (plural enmities)
the state or feeling of being actively opposed or hostile to someone or something:
Let me ask you something... Do you think that it’s possible that someone could have done something to you to hurt you, I don’t know—taken advantage of you in some way. They worked for you, a family member, a friend, you trusted them, you gave something to them and they did you wrong, but instead of you really praying for them and guarding your heart, without realizing, you allowed enmity into your heart?
Do you think that’s possible for believers? And enmity turns to strife, which turns to bitterness...
Turns into jealousy that even when it appears that the person is trying to repent, instead of you being happy and joyful for your brother or sister in the Holy Spirit; instead, you are full of
dissension | dəˈsen(t)SH(ə)n |noun
disagreement that leads to discord, fits of anger and in your heart, instead of letting it go and giving it to God, you let it fester, you let it fester into bitterness?
And the whole time it’s drawing you away instead of closer to God, and the spirit’s of deception tell you that you’re okay, but you can’t be okay, because the word of the Lord says:
\Matthew 6:14-15
14 For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, 15 but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses.
“But I have forgiven them”
No, you haven’t, not if in your heart you see them making a move towards the Lord and from a self righteous attitude, you can’t wait until the next time they fall, so you can talk about them or be right in your own mind instead of wanting to see them restored.
Galatians 5:20
rivalry | ˈrīvəlrē |noun (plural rivalries)
competition for the same objective or for superiority in the same field
What a travesty, if Angie or Ross, or Niya preaches an awesome message, or Wade gives a great testimony that gets more views than my last message and instead of me, being secure in my calling, I secretly have envy and rivalry in my heart.
Or I have a business, and someone sets up shop across the street, and instead of me doing inventory and determining in my heart whether there is something that God wants to show me or change in me, and to trust Him, I want them to fail. I want them to fall on their face and then I will take it a step further and help the lord make them fail and instead of spending time on my knees and letting God have His way in my heart, I try to find something that they’ve done wrong, so that I can shut them down. That is a spirit of rivalry and that is not the Lord. That is division, dissension and the ways of the world. That is flesh, not Spirit. That is walking outside of the cross.